Amanda 0:10
Hello, everybody. Welcome to another edition of the Slumber Party podcast. I can't believe we got here. We have been trying to record this podcast for approximately 20 minutes. But here we are. Welcome to my lovely co host, Liza Ramnarine. Hi, Lisa.
Liza 0:26
Hello, Amanda, how are you? You sound great.
Amanda 0:30
Thank you. And that was the issue with the other podcast that I sounded like. Well used to have like a rap artist or like that we were scratching records like it was
Liza 0:42
like, hello, hello, hello.
Amanda 0:46
I'm not I'm not that I'm yeah, I'm not that good. I'm so glad that we finally made this happen. Because today is our first episode of the anonymous calling. So for those of you listening, and this will be on my Instagram, Lincoln bio. But if you like this, like I mean, if you don't like it, I don't care. But if I do you, why do you care? But what I guess is, if you ever have a question, what we notice is, over the years, people want to be on the podcast and questions, but they don't want to be on the podcast, which I get. But just like they don't want to be on camera. They don't want to have a chat with us, but they want us to cover their issue. So what we've set up is an anonymous call line where hosts can call and leave a voicemail. And Lisa and I will be answering your questions on the podcast, which is pretty exciting. Well, it's exciting for me anyway. Right?
Liza 1:46
Yeah, that would be for sure me the caller. I'd be like, I want to ask all the questions, but but I don't want my face or my voice to be
Amanda 1:53
100%. Well, that's like everyone so far. They're like, Oh, thank God, you did this. So head on over to Instagram, slash Baby's Best sleep, head over to the link in bio. I know this is a lot of steps. But I'm trying to find a way we can also put our voice. I'll put this in the show notes as well our voicemail link. So you can just quickly hit the show notes. And wherever you're listening to podcast, you can go to that link and leave us a voicemail, and we will answer your question on this podcast. All right. So Lisa, are you ready?
Liza 2:29
I'm ready. Okay.
Amanda 2:31
Technological amazingness. And now if you're watching this on YouTube, you'll see the anonymous, there's anonymous, we don't know who this is from. And it's not us calling in I swear it is a real person. It doesn't
Liza 2:46
sound like my voice when we were listening to the question earlier. Right? Please? No.
Amanda 2:57
100%? No. Okay. All right. Here's our question.
Anonymous Caller 3:05
Hi. So we're having a sleep problem due to going on vacation. And I feel like I know what I need to do fix it, but I don't want to do it. So here goes. Basically, I've got a five year old and a two year old. And the two year old stopped sleeping in his back and play or his crib. While we were on vacation, I was sleeping on the floor of our room for about three weeks. Then when we get back, we don't have the heart to put it back in the cramps, we put the two kids in the same room. And we have to lie down with them in order to keep him in the room. So that whole sleep. And we've been in there every night since our vacation for an hour, 45 minutes to an hour just lying down on the dark. Asking the baby the two year old to lie down. And I think it's just becoming a little bit too much. And I was wondering if you had any advice on what to do? I'm hesitant to put him back in the crib. But also I know we can't have cried out in that room with her. The five year old also sleeping so any advice would be helpful. Thank you so much for your help.
Amanda 4:21
Okay,
Liza 4:22
man, have I fallen down that hole!
Amanda 4:27
Hey, I feel like this is you every time you go on vacation. Things went down. But this is also everyone when they go on vacation. Yeah, it's like I mean, I don't know how many clients I've had where everything is awesome, really k by and they go on their first vacation and, you know, for various reasons. It's like you go into vacation and you are sharing with another couple or you are like
Liza 4:59
there's not enough beds for everybody, right? Like, that's our issue family of five. It's like, oh, she's just a baby, just a four year old, tiny baby. But like so. And of course, like, I don't want to go in that crib, that's for babies. I'm sleeping in the king sized bed with mom and dad. And
Amanda 5:21
that just like just happened to you guys, right?
Liza 5:25
In fact, we got invited, we got invited on vacation again to like, join a friend, friends of ours coming up this winter, and we have to secure two rooms. And then, like in order to avoid this problem, and then like, yeah, I don't think we're gonna go this vacation, because it's just too expensive, you know? And like, I am not willing to be on vacation again, with a fort. Like, you know, when they're two, it's different when they're more they're a whole new person. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, this is common problem for us, like, especially once we added the baby. And in fact, I found it was much easier to travel when she was still into the crib, right? Because you can comfortably do, you know, for people in beds, and then a baby gets rolled into the bathroom, or the walk in closet or whatever. And that was great. So sleeping was no issue. Up to that point, because she was very attached to crib and she, we brought all the things. But yeah, once you do that leap, so maybe I do need some advice here as well.
Amanda 6:29
Hi, I like this question a lot. Yeah,
Liza 6:33
I mean, aside from having to get a bigger room, so she has her own space. I really don't know. Like, I don't know what else to do. So like, that's kind of where we are always stuck. When we get home. I completely sympathize with having to spend an hour or 45 minutes, you know, scratching her back and making sure she falls asleep. As soon as you hear that, you know, long snore. You're like, oh, I can get out of bed.
Amanda 7:01
And by the way, good for you for not falling asleep. Because that's what everyone does.
Liza 7:07
Oh, that's what happens. Yeah, I mean, I've been woken up by my preteen coming in being like, Mom, I think it's time to go to bed.
Amanda 7:16
You're freaking being like, are you okay? Do we need to talk?
Liza 7:20
I'm like, No, I need to go soak my hip because I was just laying half Oscars bed to get into like a hot tub.
Amanda 7:28
I'm not okay, I need you to pick me up and take me out of this bed. Well, you know, to our anonymous Ron, and to you, Lisa, I just really like like to start the things off by saying this is totally real life stuff. And it's so much more common than you think. And this is usually when stuff happens is on vacation or when we are sharing accommodation cottages, etc. And generally this comes up when, you know, the baby is protesting the new location, or they just simply you know, you're in this new location. It's a vacation. Generally I find this happens when like you are sharing an accommodation with friends and you're like, I just don't want to have to go down this road in front of my friends or family or you're in like a cottage and like your baby. Because my advice I'm just I'm gonna kind of like jump back and forth so apologies for those of you who are listening in are like what the fuck is she saying? We're talking about talking circles. In me I have like, it all makes sense. But anyway, so I ran it back up I was come around and my advice is always is take the L on the first night meaning it will be crap. If it's going to be crap it's going to be crap night one or whenever it is maybe it's fine night one and then night to something happens and this alerts parents like oh crap, like something's wrong. And then we sympathize. Well, yeah, liquid on their bed. It's everything's different. Things are changing. So then there's some mental stories that we tell ourselves like, you know what, I'm just gonna do it while I'm here. Who cares? It's vacation. I'm just gonna do this thing here. And again, when I
Liza 9:17
get home, everything is totally totally chill. Nobody's gonna sick there's gonna be no loss or anything to do.
Amanda 9:24
Basic laundry, gone. What's laundry? I know I say this every time but can I say if you have a laundry service in your neighborhood, and you don't want to I do it on the rag. This is my self care is that I do laundry service every week and you can judge me. But I will say that like if you can afford laundry service after vacation, we did laundry service after Mexico last year. And I was like, well, this woman has my heart muscle from my whole life. Who does my laundry. She she had all cuz it was winter right and so she pristinely folded impressed all of my Lake Resort wear dresses. So I literally pick them up, put them in to storage downstairs, I know. Sorry. For all of the like people who do laundry and the relationships, I know that you're salivating you might be like feeling a little titillated by what I said that. And I have to say it's worth it even just for that one time post vacation. Okay, totally. Again, we're getting off topic, we're getting off topic. So the person listening right now is like, Oh, my God, get to the point. So you are like, Fine, I'm just gonna, like, do this thing. I'm gonna stay with my kid, I'm gonna pat them, I'm gonna hold them, shush them, feed them to sleep, I'm gonna do all the things I know, I don't have to do because when I get home, we'll just go back to basics. But the reality is, some kids do. Some kids know the difference like that was then this is now I don't, you know, some don't even want to do those things. So that can happen. I'm not gonna say like, someone's definitely listening right now being like, well, that's what I do every vacation. Yes, that does happen. But if you have kids that are like, you know, you know your kids, right, or you've done this once. And, you know, our anonymous caller said, I know what I have to do, I just don't want to do it, which is really, really funny. And that is like every one of my clients. But when you assist asleep, there is always a risk that it's not just that one time, because kids don't get this concept of sometimes. And so if you don't want to be doing it, and you're not sure that your kid is that kid, so what I say is, take the loss on the first night or that first night of protests, meaning that when your kid is saying, you know, freaking out, I don't want to sleep in this pack and play or freaking out, I will not stay in my room, hold your boundary for that one night. They are going to cry, they're going to protest, you're going to be mad. You're going to hold a loving, firm boundary, whatever that looks like for you and your family. That might mean like in terms of you know, your two year old when it when when the like, Please don't think I'm a druggie good. But when parents say to me, they didn't they wouldn't stay in their crib. Now, if there were four or five. Yeah, I get that, like you. That kid's gonna get out of their bed. Oh, and they were in a crib. Come on, when they say they wouldn't stay that more sounds like to me. They were protest. They were protesting. And so I took them out. And so your babies are babies. Can you hear that? Okay, that's good. I swear to God, my husband has a spidey sense of when I'm doing something. And I'm recording. And he's like, You know what? I'm going to beat steaks. Now. This is what I'm going to do it. I'm going to beat steaks, I'm going to smash pans. I'm going to I'm gonna do it all right now.
Anyway. So when when those things happen? I need you to say, Look, I know that you're upset. And I know that we're in a new location, and it can feel weird and new. But I'm not going to assist you to sleep. This is where you are sleeping tonight. And once you get past that first night, the rest of your vacation is a breeze, honestly. But let's say like most of you, you didn't do that. Okay, because no one does. Right? They go on vacation. They're like, Yay, well, vacation mode, I don't care, and then you get home. The answer really is you have to get back to basics, which is tough, because you just got back from vacation. You just flew with two young kids and that's exhausting. Then you get home you're like Not tonight, forget it. Like I have a pile of laundry to my head. It's not happening. And then we kind of like, get a little bit, you know, confusing. So here's what everyone does. They get home that first night they're tired. They're like, Hey, you're back to your bed. Your kids like no, I sleep with you. Now. That's what happened on vacation. They cry, cry, cry, cry cry, you say okay, fine, just come to my bed. We do all the things. Now what's happened is that the child has learned I have to cry in order to have this behavior reinforced. So we do this back and forth, back and forth. And then the child gets more confused. The protest gets more intense because the child has learned that their their protest is powerful. So here's what I want everyone to do. When you go on vacation. If you know that you can't keep it together, then have a date. All right, when we get home, we're going to co sleep for the first three days you're not going to change anything you're not going to ask any behavioral changes of your child at all. And then what I'm going to ask you to do is pick that date. So the first three days day four on those days, even if they are a little tiny baby The four year old knowing their tiny baby, you're going to tell them everyday you can sleep with mummy and daddy. But on Friday or this day, print out a calendar, show them today today that you go back to your bed. So they're really prepared. You're really prepared. You've made a commitment out in the year out in the ether, you're manifesting it, okay, you've done that. And then when you're ready to go, you're ready to go give yourself three nights of sleep, have a plan, and then stop helping to sleep. And you know, I've been on this podcast for a gazillion years. I think he's making a I actually think he's making Do you can hear
Liza 15:37
eggs? No, I cannot hear it. Oh, great.
Amanda 15:39
Great. That's so good. But yeah, when a when a when you were ready to remove the help to sleep and set the boundary, you got to be 100%. And if you're not 100%, you're essentially committing for more protest, more pushback. That's really the long and short of it. Yeah. Tell me your experience, because I know that you did make the change. Yeah,
Liza 16:03
I mean, you know, I think I think that that's the that's the sort of like, the main takeaway here is that you really, I think, even during the time that she was smaller, she would get the concept that her bed is just her bed. Right? Like, you can rationalize it to a certain point. I mean, I know at least with my tiny genius, baby, I could. But yeah, I mean, I find it gets harder, the older they are, because they're Yeah, you know, and like, I'm really now understanding that the older that she is, the more boundary I have to hold, right? Because all of a sudden, she's braver, like, she's the kid that would like not get out of her bed and just yell for me. So she's not a Nightwalker. But she's starting not, you know, and so it's just like, Oh, my goodness, like, the more that I don't set that boundary for vacation, the more that then the vacation, rest is rooting for us when we get home, right? Because there's no rest. Yeah, I mean, I don't have an answer here. You know, I am a person who likes to cuddle, I want that at the end of the day. And I don't mind giving that. But so actually, what we started doing is that we do a little bit of like, we cuddle for a little bit with daddy, and Mommy comes in, she gives you her Schpeel, whatever. And then, as she's still awake, I walk out, right? Because what started happening is, I'd fall asleep with her, and then she'd be calling me in the middle of the night like Yeah.
Yeah, and it's like, all of these things. All of these rules were said, when she was a little baby, you know, I mean, like, when you really need that rest. But now that she's older, I'm like, relaxing a little bit. And so yeah, like I said, I'm not willing to go on this vacation, unless we have proper buy arrangements for all the children, because otherwise, it just messes things up too much. And yeah, it's worth it. But it's not, you know,
Amanda 18:13
totally. I think like, you know, I always like to get back to the point of you're such a good person to talk to you, Lisa. I always think about this, because you were the person that folks talked to who are like, oh, yeah, my kid just goes back to their bed. And then other folks hear that, and they're like, why did that make it do that? Or my kids should be able to do that. I want to remind you that you need to evaluate your own situation. Like I said, if you're honestly you're probably not listening to this podcast, if you're that person, because you're like, whenever my kids whatever, I don't need to listen to the babies podcast. But if you have, I find like you know, my My oldest is kind of actually both of my kids are like this. My old I keep like living in the past, but like my youngest is actually one but I feel like she went under the radar for so many years. And now my oldest is like, yeah, like, got her stuff together a little bit like has really channeled this like fire in her. And then my youngest is like, Ah, I have been simmering in the shadows waiting to come out. But like the other night she came into our room being like, hi, she she knocked on the door.
Unknown Speaker 19:34
We ignored it. Gives them a second.
Amanda 19:39
Yes. So she six. We're like what's up? And she's like, I'm afraid of some things. did exactly what she said. And we're like, Okay, well, that's all that's a normal feeling. You can feel like that. It's time for bed and she's like, All right, good night. But what I'm saying is like I feel like my kids, we couldn't really ever toed the line, even when we toed the line have talked about this before, by like opening the door a little bit or engaging in something that we didn't normally, they would push boundaries all night. And that is also really common. So I guess why I bring this up is that kids are all different, right? And their level of like, push or their personality that they come out with really determines whether or not you even have to sleep train, to be honest, like how many clients do I have who are like, we never have to sleep trainer first. And we don't even understand why we have to it's like, well, that's a different kid. So like, even amongst families, kids, like DNA are going to be so different. So give yourself a break. If you find like men, you know, we went on vacation. I never had to do this before, or reasons my friends and her kids are bed hopping and like they get it why don't my Well, it's just a different kid.
Liza 21:03
But love it even the evolution of me starting with you on this podcast last year. And I'm like, yeah, like, you know, sometimes she comes sometimes she goes, like, we just have clear boundaries. But it's got a
Amanda 21:19
good point that kids change.
Liza 21:21
Yeah. And she just like, she's so much more in love with me. And I'm so much cuddlier nowadays that she just wants me bah
Amanda 21:31
bah. Well, another thing while parents struggle with this concept of they've never done this before. So it shouldn't be something that they do now. Yeah, and like, and I
Liza 21:42
also find, like, after she goes to school, but like when when they started school, I miss her right. So then when she gets home, and it's like, not, you know, between the hours of 4pm when they get home to like dinner time, and it's just complete mayhem. By the time she goes to bed, it's like, that's my time with her, you know? So it's, it's something that I also do for me, right? So that, that I'm very clear about like, this pedal is not about my kid, like my kid is actually capable of falling asleep. In fact, when I go for my girls night, and my husband is home, you know, putting his kids he you know, he can't quite manage like cuddling all of them or whatever, like giving everyone attention. So she just does go to sleep on her own actually, you know, after a different routine with him. So it is just learned behavior and what I taught her so, but again, like, I am happy to admit that it's for me too, right? So it's but it's killing me.
Amanda 22:47
It's like too much wine, right? Like, I love this. I love it. And then the next day, you're like, I've made mistakes in my life. I look good. Yeah, I feel like that's a revelation for parents when their kids go to daycare. So and that's usually when I get a call. They're like, well, you know, little, you know, whoever can't sleep with it this and then they go to daycare and daycares. Like yeah, they're, they're basically birth, they sleep without any assistance. Also, they don't even need a pacifier. Also, they put all the other kids to bed. The parents were like, why? And never call me. They're like, we're done. We want that too. And so that that is so so so so common. And this is why I love working with my older parents because they're at a place of knowing about that. Like, like, okay, I get it. I get it. Yeah, um, I loved this format. Did you love this format today?
Liza 23:51
Yes, yeah. Okay, you know, you know, I love a one on one with you.
Amanda 23:56
I know. I think this is the way we gotta do it. Yeah, I'm excited that people keep leaving us voicemails. So folks, listen, we're coming to the end of our crap nap here. And we gotta kind of get on the get but head on over to the show notes. Head over to instagram.com/babies Firstly, then click on my Lincoln bio, then buy a Hawaiian shirt, then do it or no, I'm sorry. So you want to do all of that and leave us a voicemail and we will answer it on this podcast. The other thing I wanted to say? Don't remember.
Liza 24:33
Should we apologize to our viewers if they're watching?
Amanda 24:38
Yeah, like listen, so Lisa had an ear issue. But you look good. What do you mean apologize? Like for what like I
Liza 24:48
had to cover my ear because it's yeah, I call it sick chic. Yeah, no, my headphones upside down because the otherwise was and I can't put a headphone in this year.
Amanda 25:03
I love it.
Listen, I really want to hold notes, my notes when you get back, you're going to have to reset the boundaries. When you reset the boundaries, your baby is going to cry. You're not going to like that when the baby cries. So, have the boundary put in place you cannot avoid the protest if you've helped to sleep. Don't rush into it. If you don't have a plan, set a return times have your back on like a Tuesday. plan to do your training on a Friday. Keep your baby and your kids in the know of when you're going to make the change. Call us to help you or find a plan that feels good to you. And then stick with it for 123 No stick with it for at least three nights but you're probably going to see protests for anywhere from one to three nights. So when our anonymous caller said I know what I do I just don't want to do it. I think that's the I just don't want to do it means I know that my child will push back and I don't want to have to deal with it but it's unavoidable.
Liza 26:03
These are as always, it's a pleasure. Thank you so much
Amanda 26:07
to you can find us a baby specially.com at Instagram at Babies best sleep follow the whole team were BBs underscore and someone you'll find all of us that way including Lisa and head to the blog. have so many resources. Honestly, if you just head on over to Instagram, you'll find it all. Oh, I'm on Tik Tok. I I've been doing the thing. This is the last thing I'll say I've been doing this thing where I find people talking about their bedtime routines. And then I'll kind of be like, I love this. This is what we could change. I'm not like judging them. I would never be like this. So it's really positive but if you want some more tips and tricks you can find me on Tik Tok as well.
Transcribed by https://otter.ai
