Amanda 0:12
Hi, everyone. Welcome back to the Slumber Party podcast. This time, not just with your host, Amanda Jewson, I have roped in my lifelong best friend, Lisa Ramnarine, to talk to me while he do this, because, number one, we don't always have guests topics. I think that they come up. But I think what I have discovered in my podcasting journey, is that I really like when topics and things kind of come up organically. And so while we'll have a little theme, usually, we're we're just gonna jump in. So there's going to be some episodes going forward, where it's just Liza and I kind of talking parenting stuff. Being a parent in 2022 Oh, my God. There's a joke there. But I'm not gonna say it. Without further ado, because I could talk forever. Welcome, Liza as fellow co host, to this Slumber Party podcast. How are you?
Liza 1:21
Hi, um, thank you, I'm good. Great. I'm here. You can actually respond to me now, not just, I don't just hear your voice in my headphones. And it just,
Amanda 1:35
I thought that was gonna be about some crack about how like, I work too much. Because you remember when I was like, Girl, I'm gonna work from home. We're gonna talk every day. And then you call me I'm like, a call. We lived I lived in Australia for four years. And we talked to more and every day.
Liza 2:01
Every day for like, a year, we talked almost
Amanda 2:04
100% We did 100%. And do you remember? When was it? Was it your husband or mine? That made some like, it was like some conversation about money. And it was like, well, maybe we could say some money. If you were talking to Lee's every day, I think it was mine. And then the joke was like, we've paid for something. So everything was free. And I'm like, not given that up. It's free. Soccer
Liza 2:34
lesson with the pandemic and everything. There were days where I was cooking in my kitchen, and I would turn on slumber party for zero other reasons. Listen to and then you'd have other people on and I'd say, you know, why are you inviting other people, we could just talk to me?
Amanda 2:55
Well, we've sort of like had this kind of fever dream for years to have our own podcast. And then I like created this podcast for my business. And then it sort of evolved into something like conversations with parents talking about cool things, like whatever. And yes, we're gonna focus on baby sleep. But we're also I mean, there's so much more to parenthood other than sleep, like not much more. But there is and I just feel like they have basically, so So number one, there's two things about why you're joining. You've joined the company, which is really exciting. I mean, this was we were we
Liza 3:42
this truly is just a surprising to you and I that we're working.
Amanda 3:47
This is what I was gonna
Liza 3:48
say anyway. Exactly. We're probably most shocked.
Amanda 3:52
So I know I don't I I
Liza 3:57
know I was at home and loving it until COVID came.
Amanda 4:03
But you actually this is your idea. And you were totally right. And so this is one of the things that you guys will never know about Lisa, but I do is that like I know something's going on when I don't hear from her and I'm like And then so finally problems. Exactly. I get on the phone with you and you're like, hi. I want to work with you. But I don't know how to say it was like oh my god. That's exactly I want that too and I didn't even know it. It was just like, and like I have no it either.
Liza 4:42
We have a friend that we reconnected with that told us that we need to do
Amanda 4:46
this. And isn't it funny how she's like, um, why? What are you guys doing? So stupid.
Liza 4:54
I know. Well, here we are being smart.
Amanda 4:56
Well, and I'm kind of like I I'm being conscious that we don't create a podcast about, like, just talking about our inside jokes. We can't do that. Because we do have a tendency to, like do that when we're around people who like, like just your friends or just my friends. And then we were like, Hey, we can all be friends. And then we get together. And we're like, we're so funny. Look at us for so funny. And everyone else is like, okay, like, it's moderately funny. At best.
Liza 5:26
One of those, like, you had to be there, I guess kind of,
Amanda 5:30
we can't do that. Or else like, the podcast will go from like, number 385 to a solid 475. So we don't want no, no, no. So um, yeah. So you had said that, and I actually, this year, I started working with a business coach. And we are so like, open, I was like, Well, look, I think this is really good idea. But I'm afraid like, what if we're not friends anymore. And like, bah, bah, bah. And then I talked to my business coach, and she was like, Oh, actually, there's a lot of like, ways this, this works out really well. So we have been so thoughtful and so scared to work together. But I think like now that you're here, it's a really, really good fit. So Lisa will be kind of doing all the things that I'm bad at it, which is like, just like admin stuff. And what you realize, when you start working for yourself, you're like, you can be as tight as you want. But then there's just too much shit to do, you have a lot of shit to do. And so like, essentially, you are ready, or an extension of my brain. So we will be like, number one, Liza will be doing my discovery calls, which again, I'm excited about because you are my brain. And she can answer all of your questions about working with babies best sleep with me specifically with a company. And if you've ever right to be the best sleep, if you have an inquiry, you're probably going to get Lisa on the other end of that email. So yeah, I don't know that Lisa will be in the consulting worlds maybe. But for now, that's where you'll you'll see her. And I'm really, really excited. So that's a really long way to say welcome. And
Liza 7:30
finally, we figured it out. Oops,
Amanda 7:33
we already said like, we would either like our children or get married. Or we would just like find a way to be together. But this is a good way. Exactly. Okay, so tell us about you. Who are you?
Liza 7:49
Ah, well, I am a woman. Her I used to be a stay at home mom for 12 years, I have three kids and my son, my eldest son is about to turn 12 Then I have a 10 year old son and a three year old for cracker daughter. And I was lucky enough to be you know, to achieve my dream of staying at home with my kids, which was truly I mean, if you know me, as Amanda does. That was a true dream of mine is to you know, be able to dedicate my time at home with the kids and just do all the fun, cute things that I dreamt of doing. And, you know, after you get beat up my motherhood and COVID Here I am, you know, 12 years later, with my best friend working but yes, I mean, I am a mom of three, I am a passionate woman, I have fire inside of me and I have lots of fun. Parenting Advice to share and honestly, talk about sleep is me and you talk about sleep way too much like considering that you do this for a living. You and I talk about sleep. Every conversation we have. And I mean, it's it's just a thing. And I've you've always been the sleeper
Amanda 9:16
you are the person. When when people ask me like how did you get into the biz? I always tell this story of like, my friends used to hate me because I didn't have a curfew. And they would all be like, hey, like So Liza and I have known each other since we were 16 years old in Niagara Falls. And so Lisa and I are like going out and like we're like, whoo, we're teenagers for like NEDA in the town. It'd be 11 and be like, Oh, whenever you're ready, guys, like it's cool. Like, you can just you can on me I'd like be, like be a show up at you know, 10pm a bar star and I'd be like, ooh, and then it'd be like 1130 12 And I'm Like, we're
Liza 10:01
on the dance floor, we're on the dance. But we're, I don't if you're watching us on a screen, we're doing the movement because this was Amanda's I'm drunk dance. First of all, I never drink in my life. She doesn't drink. And then, and yeah, it would be just always like, whenever you guys are ready, whenever you're ready, I'm saying, My body's not giving it away. But my mind is saying, I need to be in bed.
Amanda 10:27
It's an i, it is who I am. It's always who I've been, unfortunately, unfortunately,
Liza 10:32
we're about to give birth, when we found out you were pregnant, I think I was one of the few people who told you that you may want to look for a night nurse because it was really truly where
Amanda 10:43
everyone was. Everyone around me was like, Hey, we're, we're so excited about the baby. Like, do you have a plan? I was like. Thankfully, it did work out. And I did read everything. And here I am. Well, actually, you know, going back to you, as a parent, one of the things I was thinking about in this podcast is what I love about you like, personally, is I call you as my kids grow up to be like, Oh, my god, is this normal? Is this okay? And you're like, Oh, yeah. And that has been like, you have such a breadth of experience. Like having I cannot believe you have, I can't, I can't believe he's 12 is just bananas. But you have this experience going from, you know, little kids to big kids. And you also have a little kid, you also have a toddler. So this is it's been really interesting for me to kind of give back in that way in in some of those things with your your littlest, because I, I asked you so many questions when we, when I was a new parent, and you would just assure me, and then I remember when your youngest was born, you kind of reaches for like, Hey, what the hell's going on? Like, hold on, hold on, let me let me take this one. So it's good.
Liza 12:18
I really do have to say that I really feel like every kid got a different kind of me, you know, and they still, like they say, you know, your parent, the kid that you have. I did change through each kid. And then by the time you know, we had a bit of a break between kids between the last and so when we did, we did have her finally it was just, yeah, I mean, you grow, you change, and you're, you get to see the kids and the mistakes that you made, right, so that third one is a really lucky one.
Amanda 12:53
It's so true. I, there's someone gave me a really good quote once it was a client. And she said like her parents told her that newborn babies have newborn parents. And I really like that. So like, it truly just being a young parent being like, oh my gosh, it's so different. And then you have more kids, and you're just you're going to be a different parent, no matter what, like you can't control it, you will be different, your child will have different experiences. Your second child will absolutely not have the first experience that your first did. A lot of parents have a lot of guilt about that. Because it's like, well, I was there I was there I was there. I'm not there as much like Yeah, but the the have such a different parent at the helm. Now, there are advantages that the others don't have. And I'm sure that we'll talk about all of that. Okay, so I guess one of the things I mean, what a so you have a 12 a 10 and a three year olds, what has been the most unexpected part of parenting for you? So like, if you were to you know, it's you and I hanging out in your white Jada in 2003. And you're thinking about being a mom because
and JLo the Ben Affleck years you know, you've wanted to be a parent and a stay at home parent for a long time. What has been the most like, oh, wow, crazy experience for you?
Liza 14:51
Yeah, I think just I was reflecting on that, you know, with the new year coming up coming into the new year now and I was reflecting on that, and I really think that it's just how, how much you can change and really not recognize yourself, you know, as a parent, like how quickly you just look in the mirror, and you really lose the sight of who you are, you know, like, in the, in the newborn stage, those kind of days where everything's a blur, but how quickly you, if you don't check yourself, how quickly you can let that especially, you know, with me, I am a, I have some anxieties about like, leaving the house and things like that one, I have a brand new baby, you know, and I am a homebody as it is, and, and just getting out of the house, I just remember being like, No, I want to stay here and that I would have to kick myself out. So losing yourself. And then like, being surprised that what you're finding when you decide to go back to find that person and and really like reassessing where you're at? Yeah.
Amanda 15:59
And and just being? Yeah, that's actually that's a really interesting point. Because I think that people think that like parenting is a, like, you become a parent, and that's who you are. But it's so nuanced within that it's so like, there's so many ups and downs in between. Oh, God, like,
Liza 16:22
I feel like play even we stay at home moms, you know, I mean, that is that, I think that if you see other people are constantly, you know, in your own thing, and maybe you move into a neighborhood where you don't know a lot of people, right? It is just so, so difficult to even though you say to yourself, you know, I'm never gonna lose this part of me, or I'm always gonna do my hair first thing in the morning, whatever that thing is for you. You know, it just got quickly you can just like, let those things slide and and I think that, you know, just renegotiating with yourself of like, okay, I need to go back to what's really, you know, making me happy. And whatever those things, we will change, you know, every year or every, you know, every every season, whatever that is, but
Amanda 17:08
I agree that I agree. Well, I feel like you're just yeah, I'm, I'm, I'm thinking about that as a new parent. I feel like there's so much, you know, what I keep thinking about this whole, like, throughout this whole conversation, and I was actually thinking about this today. I read something recently, but someone had just written something, I think it might have been on like a Facebook mom group or something. But it was like, oh, there's so much pressure to sleep train. And people feel like it's the only way and this is a way to do it. And I just like it's been sitting with me for probably a week now. And I don't know why it's bothering me because I have as a parent, this is a this is me bragging a little bit, but I have, I have, like, parenting friends who stay at home. I have parenting friends who work. I have parenting friends who co sleep, I have parenting friends who sleep trained. I like I have such a variety. And I I don't feel like yes, 100% I help people sleep independently. That's what I do. But like, like, there are good friends of mine who still closely with their children. I don't give any shits about that. And I feel like there's just so many I don't know, there's so many ways to parent and I feel like that we're in a spot right now, where there seems to be like a very focused way of parenting. It's like you're either like all in on Attachment Parenting, or you're all in and free range parenting, or, like, there, it leaves no room for like, what the parent actually wants to do. Whatever that is,
Liza 18:55
you know, it's so funny. After I had my youngest, I thought I was hanging out with a friend. And it was like, you know, around that time where you know, or whatever it was, like, you know, six months, I think the four month regression was fine enough for us. And I found it was gonna I thought it was gonna work out fine, you know, our whole story with napping and all the things and a friend of mine brought up like, Oh, you're gonna start you know, do a little sleep training. You know what technique or whatever you're gonna use or methodology. And I'm like I did I wanted to give her an answer because I wanted to sound smart. You know, I wanted to sound like I knew that I like did my research and I I knew what I was doing and what I was talking about, but the reality was that like we're allowed to just change your minds you know, we're allowed to feel out the situation we again would like to like i don't know i i sleep trained my first completely not I my husband did because I couldn't
Amanda 19:54
say you ran out of the house.
Liza 19:58
Leave Yes.
Amanda 20:00
This is before I had babies. And she's like, training. I'm like, I
Liza 20:04
don't know, loving life in Australia, and I was crying in my condo trying to sleep training baby. And she's
Amanda 20:10
like, I ran out. I was like, Cool. How? By
Liza 20:13
like, I'm drunk on a beach. So I don't care. I mean, sorry, Amanda doesn't drink. I think we established that. Yes, right.
Amanda 20:20
No, it just makes it seem like all my leisure time is me calling you drunk. or Australia? Yeah, maybe that was the case. Look, my 20 through my 20s my, almost 40s Or my 40s. And, you know,
Liza 20:34
it was it's all part of the package. It's so awesome. But yeah. But yeah, I mean, and then, you know, when I, when I sleep, when we tried to sleep trainer second, I mean, he was just like, whatever he ended, he was the one that would crawl into bed with us. And it will work. You know, like, I never thought I would be the person that does that. And it did happen with my second. And, you know, we had to get him out at a certain point. But it was great. Like, it worked. I didn't care. My husband loved it. It was wonderful. You know, we all got lots of sleep. And then with my youngest, when I wanted to give my friend the answer she was looking for, I felt insecure in the moment, and then later reflecting on it, I thought, You know what, like, I'm happy that I don't actually know the answer to the methodology because I am just, you know, tailoring it to my kid right to the child that I have in front of me. And I remember you asking me, like, Would you like to stay in the room with me, and I know for sure that this kid would not let me sit in the room with her because so you know that she was just, that's just what wasn't gonna work for her. And I knew that. But anyways, it was just it's funny. It's funny that we have these ideas about parenting and how it's going to be, you know, how it's going to be wonderful is going to be cuddly, it's going to be this like, my first one just hated cuddling. Like he would, he wanted to sleep alone, because he didn't. Like he didn't want me to touch him. You know, and my, you know, my littlest was is the biggest color and same with yours, right? And it is just yeah, you have to, you have to feel it out. And you're totally allowed to change your mind. I mean, how wonderful it is that you can figure it out that like, this is not going to work for us. Let's try something else, you know,
Amanda 22:17
totally and, and a good a good time to remind listeners that like, we're going to talk about sleep training and independent sleep, but it's a safe space here for however you want to sleep and choose to sleep. I like most people are here because they don't want to be co sleeping or bed sharing or whatever or like helping their child to sleep. But you know, I know so many people and there's like a shame. Like, I always kind of say, like, I don't tell people what I do at a dinner party because it's like you go in everyone wants to tell you their sleep story. Or, or their like, shame around sleep. Or people do this or like, you know, we're crazy rose, everything's great. I'm like, awesome. And then like three days later, they're like, Hi. I was lying. I lied to you. I, I I do this. I'm like, okay, okay. Oh, no, it's like, it's like, he says, They confess all their sleeps, and your apparently nights
Liza 23:18
of sleep training for you, sir,
Amanda 23:20
three nights over, we're doing this. Anyway, so that, yeah, I love that. I love that, you know, the idea that we can change your mind the idea that like, you don't have to, like you don't have to sleep train. And you don't have to co sleep. And you don't have to do anything you don't want to fucking do, which is so great. And actually what the research is showing us about, you know, secure attachment and attachment and connecting with your children is the more you're true to yourself, the more that you love yourself, the stronger attachment you have with your child because you don't have resentment. And that goes for anything. cosleeping, whatever you want to do, right? Like, it's just like, the more you treat yourself, the more you have to give, the more you can show for your kids. The more authentically you you are like, the more comfortable in your skin you are like that's all our kids want. And it's not like I hate saying they want you to be happy because sometimes being authentically you isn't being happy. But what they want is for you to be yourself and they want you to be confident in whatever it is. So I really like that there are a few there's lots of research on attachment. So to say like you have to be doing this. Well sure if that feels good for you. But if it doesn't feel good for you, then you shouldn't do that. Like I remember when when he came home She would only sleep on me and I was like doing like cannot. I wish, like everyone's like just co sleep. I was like, Sure. Like, in for those of you who are listening, I have my eyes wide open in terror. And I've told this story before. But like, the fact of the matter is, I never really thought at the time I had like, a lot of like, not older parent friends, but like parent friends who have had kids for a few years, he didn't really pressure me in any way didn't really feel that pressure at the time, and he just kind of did what I wanted to do. But I'm so glad that I feel like things were chill with my kids, because I was just doing what I wanted to do in the night.
Liza 25:45
Right? Yeah. And you know, you see those those first time moms and dads who are parents, you know, who are just who just, you know, don't allow themselves to like, to, sorry, I lost my train of thought but just, you know, like the focus on like, the attachment parenting or whatever it is that that that, you know, I'm actually so against. I'm sorry if your guys are really into it, but I'm really against the buzzwords of like yeah, kind you know, I mean, I'm one of them. Like, I like to really be silly with buzzwords, but yeah, always a joke for me. Oh, yeah, don't Yeah. So, you know, any kind of like, big idea like that, or, you know, attachment parenting, I don't know why I just don't like calling things by those kinds of terms. Well, so strictly,
Amanda 26:35
it's like, like to actually have a set of like, true rules around your parenting is ludicrous. Because it's actually your, to your point, like, it's just like always changing. It's always changing. It's always evolving. And I can tell you well, and like I have a seven and five year old, you have a 12 and 10 and three year old you know this more than anyone, you are going to lie to yourselves so many times. Like I said, I would never give my kids drugs to sleep like to like be in the car or anything. And then I did because they barf everywhere. But then the other bonus is like, Oh, wow, you sleep better in here. Like you can just like by the way I don't drug my kids. I'm not giving them drugs so they can fall asleep. I was like, I'm like Anna retentive. But here I am. We can't go anywhere without gravel because of the barf. There's so much barf. There is Barfly last weekend. On that note, Liza, I hate like this is going to be an issue for us. We're gonna it's gonna feel like I'm going to cut off our conversations midway. But I do we need to keep this podcast to the length to wrap NAB. Yes, because otherwise you're just not going to do it. I wouldn't. So, welcome. I'm so excited that you're here. Lisa will be joining us in conversation. We're going to try to do this as often as we can. We're busy parents. So we're going to try to do this weekly, but we might. We might have breaks in between. But otherwise, welcome. I'm excited. Thank you for coming.
Liza 28:24
I it's such a long time coming and I'm so so happy that this is the time and year
Amanda 28:30
2022 Our year. Alright, thanks everyone. And as always, you can find us on Instagram, I'm at Baby's Best sleep leads it can be found at BB s underscore L is Zed a on Instagram. Go ahead and subscribe to YouTube so you can watch our faces, emails, all of that stuff. And as always, if you're struggling, please book a call with us. We love to talk to you book a call with Lisa. We'd love to dig to see how we can help. And otherwise, we'll see you next week. Bye
